At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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