no, he came in my armpit
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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