Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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