I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
