I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
