I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
jump out the window naked night went bad
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