The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
