I heard we made out
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
