That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
