I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
