he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
