Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
