when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
