Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
