just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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