he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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