Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
false alarm, still single
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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