If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
