This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
