I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
