weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
