she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
