Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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