I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
