she smelled like a LAN party
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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