Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
