i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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