new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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