i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
