the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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