I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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