She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
