I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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