very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
