I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
