I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
