No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
