we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
