What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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