At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
