SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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