can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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