I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
