i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
