If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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