Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
