I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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