shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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