I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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