i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
