she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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