I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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