I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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