You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
